Love

Oh my Word! God is teaching me and showing me so much right now. My heart is overflowing! I have been struggling lately with what love is. Do I really know or understand what love is? Am I able to give and receive love, especially if I really am unsure as to what it is or what it looks like? And God is answering my prayers.

I read a book by John Eldredge, Walking with God. In this book he discusses the different ‘agreements’ that we make over the years about things in our lives. Sometimes it is consciously and sometimes subconsciously. I realized while reading this chapter in this book that I have made many ‘agreements’ about love over the years. Based on my upbringing, it isn’t surprising. My mother got sick with cancer when I was three, my parents divorced, my mom died when I was 10 years old, my dad remarried and divorced again. I was not raised in a Christian home. As a kid, I saw a lot of what love should not be. I made many agreements that have followed me and affected me over the years. I have been unaware of these agreements in my life. But looking back I can see that they have been there, affecting me and my relationships.

I have overcome so much and have come so far. But God has so much more to teach me about love—about his love for me and then in turn how to give and receive love from others. God is revealing these agreements to me and helping me to overcome them. I am breaking free from my past!

Some of the ‘Love agreements’ that I realize I have made of the years:
Love is painful—it hurts to love and be loved
Love is temporary—it never lasts
Nobody loves me, I will be alone forever
My heart is afraid to give and receive love
I don’t need anyone’s love—I am strong and can make it on my own

What the Lord has been telling me about Love:
I love you, Quincy!
I will never leave you (John 14:16)
My love never fails (Romans 8:38-39)
Come to me for healing and I will heal your heart, I will transform it and your belief in love (Jer. 3:22)
You must allow me to heal your heart.
You must give it completely to me.
Give me each and every broken piece of it. I will heal it and mold the pieces of your heart together (Isa. 64:8)
Give it over to me—piece by piece, hurt by hurt—and I will transform it, heal, it and put it all back together. Your heart is whole again and you will be able to give and receive love like never before. It will be better than you could ever imagine.
Quincy, I love you… I made you… you must accept my love, in order to be able to truly love others.

It is crazy to me to look back and see how one or more of these ‘agreements’ is at the root of so many painful situations in my life. Even recently, I can see how I believed some (if not all) of these agreements.

I am so thankful that God has revealed this to me and that he has not given up on me. I must continue to spend time with Him, soaking in His love, mercy, grace, and forgiveness. Because as he fills me up, I pray, that His love, mercy, grace and forgiveness overflows from me onto others.

Obedience

The Lord is really working on me right now. It is truly amazing! Everyday I am learning something new. I am finishing up a class that has taught me so much and has really helped me dig deeper into His Word.

I am growing not only in my relationship with Jesus, but with other amazing Christians who are such blessings to me. I am so thankful for the friendships that have developed and become so strong in my life over the last few months. These friends have been such an encouragement to me. They are holding me accountable, they are challenging me, they laugh with me, and they cry with me, they are amazing!!

I have no idea what the future holds. I know that at this moment, God is telling me to trust him and to rest in him. He has given me amazing peace about where I am at today and about my future. I am pressing on in anticipation of a great future that God is planning and in control of. I am trusting him, leaning on him for my strength and comfort in my weakness, and turning to him for wisdom and guidance.

I must be obedient. I must be faithful. I must trust him with all of my heart.
Application and obedience is always the hardest part. But I know that he is guiding my steps. I am so thankful for where I have been and am so excited for where I am headed!

A few quotes that really hit me this week:

"Obedience is the mother of true knowledge of God." (John Calvin)

“It is not the Word hidden in the head but in the heart that keeps us from sin.” ~Vance Havner